I find it ironic that yesterday we recognized President's Day, in honor of deceased presidents. When Elvis Presley's Heaven Date (or birthday) comes around, tons of people make a pilgrimage to his home and grave to pay their respects and to grieve. Even the news media makes a big deal out of it. As they do with Martin Luther King and JFK.

How many who still grieve for those people, actually knew or even met them? How did they touch their lives, other than respect or admiration?

Are they faulted for grieving for these people? Are they told, "Hey, it's been 20-30 years, get over it?" Has it been said to them, "It's not healthy to grieve this long" or "You know, Elvis wouldn't want you to hurt like this"? Do they hear, "You need to get on with your life" or "At least you can have other presidents"? Have they heard, "Well, you know, Martin Luther King IS in a better place now" or "You should turn to God and let Him help you"?

I think everyone reading this knows the answer to all of those questions is, No, of course not.
Why not? Because these people made a difference in the lives of others? Because they are loved deeply and missed terribly? Because they were great, wonderful, caring and loving people?

If so, then tell me this. How do they differ from our loved ones? Why are we bereaved ordinary people not allowed to grieve as long? If we grieve openly, we're told to get over it, she/he wouldn't want you to hurt like this, it's not normal to hurt this long, you need help, you have to go on with your life, etc, etc, etc, until we are almost as hurt by the endless platitudes, as we are from the death of our loved ones.

The platitudes we hear over and over tell us that we aren't allowed to grieve as we need, that our loved ones don't matter any more, that our feelings don't matter any more. Our grief, our pain, is frowned upon and dismissed as trivial, because the person we grieve for isn't one of greatness to the world.

My daughter may not have been known to the world, but she was the world to me. She was, and still is, loved, remembered and missed deeply, by so many. Did she achieve greatness as society would define the word? Probably not. But to her family and friends, to me, she achieved in her brief life, more greatness than most people even think about in theirs.

She wasn't a renowned performer. She wasn't president of the USA. Her dream wasn't known by the world. But she mattered. She still does. I, and many others, will love her until our own deaths. What an irony, that I will continue to be frowned upon for grieving my beloved child who died a scant 16 months ago; when strangers are allowed to grieve for someone they never met, who died before my child was born.